Aired March 12, 1977.
Cold opening:"The director is dead!"
Written by Tom Schiller.
Announcer Don Pardo opens the show and informs viewers that Saturday Night director Dave Wilson has just suddenly dropped dead! Wilson lies dead on the control board as Dan Aykroyd walks onscreen and says that "show must go on," but that it can't go on without its director. Aykroyd hails Wilson as the last of a dying breed of directors who worked in live television.
One by one, the cast enters the control room and Aykroyd asks them to say something about the late director. It turns out that none of them knew Wilson well, nor did they know very much about him
They're joined in the control room by this week's host Sissy Spacek. She says she usually works in movies, not television, and mentions that if someone dies during a film shoot, production is shut down. That can't happen on a live TV show.
Since no one seems to know much about Wilson, Aykroyd grabs the director's wallet, hoping it will reveal something. Dan finds a medic alert card which says:“In the event of loss of consciousness, say "Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night.'” So the cast shouts "Live, from New York..." at Wilson. The director suddenly comes back to life and says "tape roll," then the show cuts to the opening credits.
Monologue:"Sissy's Oscar speech"
Sissy Spacek talks about her recent Academy Award nomination for Best Actress for her performance in Carrie. Since she doesn't expect to win, Sissy decides to give her Oscar speech on SNL in order to thank everyone who helped her achieve her success.
Spacek then performs a baton twirling scene that she says was cut from Carrie.
Commercial:"Burger Master"
Written by Michael O'Donoghue.
Burger Master will make your burger anyway you want it, including topping it with Colombian Cocoa Frog blood, cold water detergent or the entire contents of a lava lamp.
Talk show:"Ask President Carter"
Written by Dan Aykroyd, Al Franken and Tom Davis.
In a radio call-in show moderated by CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite (Bill Murray), Pres. Jimmy Carter (Aykroyd) answers complicated questions from callers.
No matter how specific or obscure the question is, Carter has an answer. He also talks down a caller who is tripping on LSD and gets a call from a man (also voiced by Aykroyd) who sounds a lot like Former Pres. Nixon.
As the call-in show ends, Carter's daughter Amy (Spacek) comes out to meet Cronkite. The President exits and leaves her in the care of her nanny Mary Fitzpatrick (Garrett Morris). When Amy asks for a bedtime story, Mary tells Amy a unique version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, where Goldilocks gets paroled from prison and visits the home of the three bears...with a 12-gauge shotgun.
Talk show:"How Our Children Grow"
Host Jane Curtin interviews learning disabilities expert Dr. Alan Ross (Murray), who suffers from Quintlexia. This condition means that Ross can only speak these five words:"That's true, you're absolutely right."
"John Belushi's Olympic Dream"
John Belushi announces that he's retiring from show business so he can train to compete as a Decathlete in the 1980 Olympic games. He hasn't saved any money, so he'll be selling Olympic gold coins to fund his training.
"Weekend Update"
Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt has hired the New York Yankees for a centerfold spread.
Pres. Carter's mother Lillian announces that she will marry wrestler Gorilla Kowalski after she wrestles him.
Correspondent Laraine Newman interviews Muhammad Ali (Morris). The boxing champ says that after watching Sylvester Stallone play a boxer in Rocky, he will "beat" Stallone by starring in a remake of On The Waterfront.
And Correspondent Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) wants to know why everyone is talking about "endangered feces." Curtin in not amused about Emily's "topic" and she accuses Litella of ruining Update's journalistic credibility.
Richard Baskin:"One, I Love You"
Musical guest Richard Baskin performs "One, I Love You." Baskin wrote this song for the 1975 movie Nashville, where it was performed by Henry Gibson and Ronee Blakely. Their version appeared on the Nashville soundtrack album.
The comedy team of Al Franken and Tom Davis performs a sketch that imagines how the network news would cover World War III.
Public Service Announcement:"Gidget's Disease"
Written by Anne Beatts and Rosie Shuster.
Three women (Newman, Radner, Spacek) talk, behave and dress like little girls.
A spokeswoman (Curtin) then appears onscreen and tells viewers that these grown women are suffering from Gidget's Disease, which makes them "terminally cute, too cute for their own good." She pleads for donations to help them.
"Young newlyweds"
A young, recently married couple (Belushi and Spacek) argues due to the man's inability to summon his "manly powers" ever since their marriage.
Film by Gary Weis:"Baton Twirl"
SNL's resident filmmaker Gary Weis' film shows Spacek twirling her baton in slow motion. Sissy's twirls are accompanied by the David Bowie song "Fame," which was written by Bowie, John Lennon and Carlos Alomar.
"Bad Playhouse"
Written by Tom Schiller.
Host Leonard Pinth-Garnell (Aykroyd) introduces a performance of a play called The Millkeeper.
The play was written by Jan Voorstraat, who Pinth-Garnell calls "one of the worst of the new breed of bad Dutch playwrights." Pinth-Garnell says the play "deals with the torment of the young bride alone in a windmill with her husband and his sister, who is caught in the clutches of death."
Richard Baskin:"City Of One Night Stands"
Baskin performs "City Of One Night Stands," which he wrote for the film Welcome To L.A. Baskin's recording of the song appeared on the movie's soundtrack album.
This week's home movie was created by filmmaker Robert Altman. It features scenes of Spacek from the film 3 Women intercut with clips of her in the movie Welcome To L.A. Altman wrote and directed 3 Women and produced Welcome To L.A.
"Goodnights"
Spacek says she had a great time and tells the viewers "y'all come back, you hear?" She's joined by the cast, who walk onstage carrying bags that look like potato sacks and Garrett hands his bag to Sissy.
Notes about this episode:
This episode was submitted to the Television Academy for the 1976-77 Emmy Awards. It won the Emmy for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy-Variety or Music Series.
As she mentions in her monologue, Sissy Spacek received an Academy Award nomination for Carrie. The Oscar ceremony was held on March 28, 1977, 16 days after this episode. The Best Actress award went to Faye Dunaway for Network. Spacek would win her Oscar four years later for Coal Miner's Daughter.
Live TV can be unpredictable sometimes. There were two instances during this episode where things didn't go according to plan. When Spacek takes off her dress to reveal her baton twirling outfit, the top button of the dress gets stuck for a few seconds.
In "Amy's Bedtime Story," Garrett Morris plays Mary Fitzpatrick, Amy Carter's nanny. The real Fitzpatrick was wrongly convicted of murder in 1970. She was later released from prison, received a full pardon and served as Amy's nanny. Today, Fitzpatrick is still alive and now goes by the name as Mary Prince. Here's a photo of the real Fitzpatrick with Amy Carter:
The music played at the beginning of "Bad Playhouse" is "March Of The Lunatics," which was composed by Leonard Pennario, you can listen to it here:
What stands out:
"Young newlyweds"-This sketch is more dramatic than comedic and that's fine. Spacek and John Belushi are excellent playing off each other and it shows Belushi could've acted in more serious roles in films had he lived. These characters could've come off as stereotypical southerners, but these actors (and their words, written by Marilyn Suzanne Miller) make them feel like authentic human beings.
"Ask President Carter"-Aykroyd's Carter impression is great as usual, made more entertaining by the answers Carter provides to complicated questions. Bill Murray also provides nice support as Walter Cronkite.
"Gidget's Disease"-Spacek, Gilder Radner and Laraine Newman are hilarious as the women who suffer from Gidget's Disease. Jane Curtin is equally great as the PSA spokeswoman.
"One, I Love You"-I'm a big fan of the movie Nashville and I've always felt the songs written for the film deserve more attention. I also like it when the host or cast joins the musical guest on stage, it makes the musical performances feel more connected to the rest of the show.
"How Our Children Grow"-Murray is great in this sketch. The phrase "That's true, you're absolutely right," gets funnier every time he says it. On a personal note, I remember watching this sketch with my father when I was 9 in a rerun. He and I quoted it for years.
J.A. Morris' rating:
1. Scott, Austin. "Ask President Carter: A Two-Hour, Toll-Free Call-In."
Washington Post, 4 March 1977.
